"You must love horror movies and TV shows! You're a copy-editor for horror, a horror writer, and have been reading horror books for almost 30 years!"
This is what I hear all the time: from friends, family, acquaintances, and random people. The truth is, no, I very much find the vast majority of horror movies to be dull, over-the-top without substance, dialogue lacking, hard to get through crap. Each year though around Halloween, I try more horror movies, thinking it's always just me who just doesn't get it for some reason.
I thought The Babadook was utter trash. I can't say anything nice about Eli Roth. I made it through five minutes of an episode of American Horror Story and hated it not only for dialogue, but camera angles.
But. BUT. Every once in a while, I find gems that I fall in love with (to which maybe others hate!). The Houses October Built, The VVitch, Hereditary, 28 Days Later (not a zombie movie, I will fight you), The Black Phone, Don't Breathe, Green Room, House of 1000 Corpses/The Devil's Rejects/3 From Hell, and Train to Busan to name a few, just to prove I don't hate all horror movies.
Okay, rant over. If you've made it this far, how about some movie reviews!
Two notes: these are all first time viewings for myself, and yes I did watch them all start to finish.
Terrifier (Peacock)
This one was your pretty typical dude in an outfit goes berserk and kills people yet can't be stopped no matter what they do, movie. Your usual overacting, blood and gore scenarios, led this one to be a middle of the road, seen it before horror flick. It has some gnarly gruesome moments, it has a main psycho killer that really does make your skin crawl, which was nice and welcoming. Overall, still your run of the mill horror movie that is a typical trope seen too many times over. I'd give it a C+.
Five Nights At Freddy's (Peacock)
Blumhouse is at it again! This time in something that reminds me of minor Saw torture meets The Black Phone meets a Chuck E. Cheese's. A mall security guard makes the wrong call at his job, which was brought up from his own past of his brother's abduction. He's had too many strikes, and instead of harsher penalties, he takes up a security job at the local kid's themed restaurant that has been shut down for countless years, Freddy Fazbear's. The job and basically falling down building are more than it first seems, with horrifying realms hiding inside.
Overall this was a decent movie, had some good horror elements, and kept me engaged. I'd give it a B.
Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (Peacock)
Pooh and friends are pissed. When Christopher Robin leaves for college, the animals must fend for themselves. This doesn't go over so well, especially for one of them. Years later, Christopher comes back to find his friends have grown up just like him, but have become very angry and murderous in their ways for having been left behind. Can he save his once friends from causing even more chaos, or will they stop at nothing to gain more sustenance?
This one was amusing, but poorly acted in many ways, script was lacking in multiple parts, and it led me to mumbling your usual "Oh c'mon, now why did they do that?" multiple times. Plenty of blood and gore made up for it though to an extent. I'd give it a D+.
Ma (Netflix)
Oh hey, another Blumhouse movie! From 2019 comes this disturbing tale of a bullied teenager now adult who seeks out to befriend high schoolers in town, to which we find many are those of their parents who bullied the woman these kids come to know as 'Ma', but who was known as Sue Ann back in school. A creepy, gritty tale of what happens when one who is treated horribly finally snaps and tries to rectify past discretions made against them.
While a little slow, the movie picked up and got pretty gnarly near the end, only to come to an almost anticlimactic ending. Overall I'd give this one a B-.
Deliver Us From Evil (Netflix)
A police sergeant comes across a string of killings and bizarre happenings, that turn out to be cases of possession. From the barren wastelands of Iraq, an entity has awoken and come all the way to New York within the body of an unsuspecting soldier. When the sergeant meets up with one Father Mendoza, he soon finds himself in the middle of a fight of good and evil, that lands right at his doorstep.
Part murder thriller, part Exorcist-style horror, this one wasn't too bad, had some nice thematic content to keep you entertained. For someone non-religious, I always find these "true" stories very interesting, and the crazy part of me wants to see it in person to really understand. I'd give it a B-.
Skinamarink (Hulu)
Um. Right, so...What person greenlit this? Was this supposed to be Paranormal Activity meets a college film noir class? Was it supposed to be some sort of Poltergeist movie pretending to be made by Mark Z. Danielewski? You want to know what it really was? A waste of almost two hours that could have been done in thirty minutes or less. Not scary, not gruesome, not worth watching. This wasn't for me, and I don't really know who it's for. A full-fledged F.
Written by Kyle Lybeck
This is what I hear all the time: from friends, family, acquaintances, and random people. The truth is, no, I very much find the vast majority of horror movies to be dull, over-the-top without substance, dialogue lacking, hard to get through crap. Each year though around Halloween, I try more horror movies, thinking it's always just me who just doesn't get it for some reason.
I thought The Babadook was utter trash. I can't say anything nice about Eli Roth. I made it through five minutes of an episode of American Horror Story and hated it not only for dialogue, but camera angles.
But. BUT. Every once in a while, I find gems that I fall in love with (to which maybe others hate!). The Houses October Built, The VVitch, Hereditary, 28 Days Later (not a zombie movie, I will fight you), The Black Phone, Don't Breathe, Green Room, House of 1000 Corpses/The Devil's Rejects/3 From Hell, and Train to Busan to name a few, just to prove I don't hate all horror movies.
Okay, rant over. If you've made it this far, how about some movie reviews!
Two notes: these are all first time viewings for myself, and yes I did watch them all start to finish.
Terrifier (Peacock)
This one was your pretty typical dude in an outfit goes berserk and kills people yet can't be stopped no matter what they do, movie. Your usual overacting, blood and gore scenarios, led this one to be a middle of the road, seen it before horror flick. It has some gnarly gruesome moments, it has a main psycho killer that really does make your skin crawl, which was nice and welcoming. Overall, still your run of the mill horror movie that is a typical trope seen too many times over. I'd give it a C+.
Five Nights At Freddy's (Peacock)
Blumhouse is at it again! This time in something that reminds me of minor Saw torture meets The Black Phone meets a Chuck E. Cheese's. A mall security guard makes the wrong call at his job, which was brought up from his own past of his brother's abduction. He's had too many strikes, and instead of harsher penalties, he takes up a security job at the local kid's themed restaurant that has been shut down for countless years, Freddy Fazbear's. The job and basically falling down building are more than it first seems, with horrifying realms hiding inside.
Overall this was a decent movie, had some good horror elements, and kept me engaged. I'd give it a B.
Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (Peacock) Pooh and friends are pissed. When Christopher Robin leaves for college, the animals must fend for themselves. This doesn't go over so well, especially for one of them. Years later, Christopher comes back to find his friends have grown up just like him, but have become very angry and murderous in their ways for having been left behind. Can he save his once friends from causing even more chaos, or will they stop at nothing to gain more sustenance?
This one was amusing, but poorly acted in many ways, script was lacking in multiple parts, and it led me to mumbling your usual "Oh c'mon, now why did they do that?" multiple times. Plenty of blood and gore made up for it though to an extent. I'd give it a D+.
Ma (Netflix)
Oh hey, another Blumhouse movie! From 2019 comes this disturbing tale of a bullied teenager now adult who seeks out to befriend high schoolers in town, to which we find many are those of their parents who bullied the woman these kids come to know as 'Ma', but who was known as Sue Ann back in school. A creepy, gritty tale of what happens when one who is treated horribly finally snaps and tries to rectify past discretions made against them.
While a little slow, the movie picked up and got pretty gnarly near the end, only to come to an almost anticlimactic ending. Overall I'd give this one a B-.
Deliver Us From Evil (Netflix)
A police sergeant comes across a string of killings and bizarre happenings, that turn out to be cases of possession. From the barren wastelands of Iraq, an entity has awoken and come all the way to New York within the body of an unsuspecting soldier. When the sergeant meets up with one Father Mendoza, he soon finds himself in the middle of a fight of good and evil, that lands right at his doorstep.
Part murder thriller, part Exorcist-style horror, this one wasn't too bad, had some nice thematic content to keep you entertained. For someone non-religious, I always find these "true" stories very interesting, and the crazy part of me wants to see it in person to really understand. I'd give it a B-.
Skinamarink (Hulu)
Um. Right, so...What person greenlit this? Was this supposed to be Paranormal Activity meets a college film noir class? Was it supposed to be some sort of Poltergeist movie pretending to be made by Mark Z. Danielewski? You want to know what it really was? A waste of almost two hours that could have been done in thirty minutes or less. Not scary, not gruesome, not worth watching. This wasn't for me, and I don't really know who it's for. A full-fledged F.
Written by Kyle Lybeck
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