My Bloody Valentine 3D

Before I start this review, I want to give you my credentials. I’ve seen this film four times: twice in 2-D, and another two in 3-D. I’ve given both dimensions they’re due.

Does this mean I like the film? Having seen it so many times in just the film’s first four days of opening? Well, bunky, read on and find out.

Now, I want to admit right up front that the first two times I saw MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D I came away less than inspired. However, on my next two trips, my nerves lightened up a bit and I began to see things in the film that I hadn’t before. Still, does this mean that MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D is a top-notch slasher? Hmm… let’s find out.

First, let’s take a look at the acting. I’ll be perfectly honest and admit that I think the actors look as if they’ve simply mailed in their performance. Some of them appear to be walking 2x4’s. But I’m going to do my best to try and look at the things I think they did right:

Jensen Ackles seems sleepy as he goes about his business. I had to wonder while watching the film if the pills he was sucking down on-screen were No Doze.

Kerr Smith slowly won me over with his portrayal of Sheriff Axel Palmer. But it was tough to like the character. When we first meet him, he’s going off to a rendezvous with another girl besides his wife. It really deflated any emotion you could have for the character when he starts to believe that his wife loves another man. You cheated, buddy. What goes around comes around.

Jaime King is our Final Girl. How did she do in the slasher annals as a Scream Queen? Well, she’s okay. That’s about the best I can say regarding her character. The most emotion you get out of her is when she’s doing a Quentin Tarantino faced between two potential killers. Frankly, she was an easily forgettable character.

Todd Farmer, who was behind the film’s screenplay, got a chuckle out of me as a truck driver. But that’s only because he got a pick-axe jammed into his cranium.

And what about Tom THE MAN Atkins as tough guy Burke? THE MAN came out of retirement to be in this film. Unfortunately, I didn’t like his performance. He seemed stiff in his deliveries and actions. But does that take anything away from his career? That gets a resounding HELL NO! It only made me appreciate his turns in films such as ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, CREEPSHOW, and others. Tom Atkins will always be THE MAN (when I wasn’t wearing my MY BLOODY VALENTINE t-shirt to the theater, I was wearing my Tom Atkins shirt… the guy is simply that good.)

The film’s direction is brought to us by Patrick Lussier. He does a good job keeping the film moving. There are a few parts that are slightly dull, but it wasn’t anything to totally distract from the film. He does some great shots with the bridge leading into the town of Harmony, as well as gazing into the mine shafts themselves. He shows us how dirty and gritty and open-mouthed the dark caves can truly be. If there’s a sequel (which is already being threatened), I wouldn’t mind seeing Lussier back in the director’s chair.

And then there’s the gore quotient… Does the film deliver the bloody stuff? Oh yes. Our resident “Harry Warden” swings a mean pick-axe. His weapon of choice goes through eyeballs, jaws, chest cavities, and plenty more. There’s also homage to the original film by having a victim stuffed into a dryer. We miss you, Mabel!

Unfortunately, MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D has started a bit of controversy with its finale. Looking at it, one could definitely say it was a “cheat”. Does it take anything away from the film, though? Not really. If you look close enough, either on your first, second, third, fourth viewing of the film it really all stacks together. At first I was a bit miffed, but subsequent viewings help the train to keep rolling.

How about the question of 2-D versus 3-D? Personally, I prefer the 2-D version. I know it looks goofy when the screen is screaming 3-D, but I strangely favor it. But I don’t want to take anything away from the 3-D. There are some marvelous shots using the technique. Pick-axes blast off the screen at you, and there is great depth with the process. It’ll be interesting to see if the proposed sequel (which was announced this weekend) will also be in 3-D. As mentioned on the HD-I forum by member mav100000, it’d be cool to see a slasher franchise completely done in 3-D.

Unfortunately, however, MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D pales next to 1982’s FRIDAY THE 13th Part 3. I’m sorry Harry Warden, but the Sultan still reigns in the third dimension of terror.
Mention also needs to go to the final credits. Oh yes, bunky, you need to stay for them. You’re going to get a train ride through the Hanniger Mines before Harry Warden pops out with another 3-D pick-axe swing!

And speaking of the ending, I’m not a fan of the film’s finale. I think it’s just too easy. It also reminded me a lot of the beginning to HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION. If you remember that movie, may God have mercy on you.

So, in the end, do I recommend MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D? Most certainly! The film raked in $22 million on its opening weekend, so it appears as if you don’t need my vote of confidence to get out and put your butt in a theater seat. You may not want to see it as many times as I have, but once is enough.

Now get out there and support the sub-genre!