The Endless Cycle of Life

My last review, of Stephen King's Never Flinch, was written on a great day. One of the best in recent memory, in fact. One of the very worst weeks I've ever had immediately followed it.

Ask a pet owner about the best cat of their lives and you'll likely hear it is their current one. We lost our Jasmine this week. Losing a treasured pet is bad enough, but this was under especially heartbreaking conditions.

I saw Jasmine on a shelter's website when she was just a kitten. I was taken with her right from the start. I like to believe there is magic in the world and Jasmine filled a magical place in my heart. We drove an hour and a half to get her, passing many other shelters along the way. Sometimes you just know when something is right.

Jasmine has always been the perfect pet. We had nearly eight years with her, which wasn't nearly enough time. She laid on my lap at night when I read before bedtime. We had years of priceless moments and I never took a single moment for granted.

This week Jasmine started displaying signs of respiratory problems. Her eye swelled shut and she kept sneezing. We took her to a vet and they gave her an antibiotic shot. I thought everything would be all right.

It wasn't. Not by a long shot. Jasmine refused to eat and she wouldn't drink. We discovered she couldn't even open her mouth. It was all gunked up. My wife Clara, God bless her, nursed Jasmine with a warm, damp cloth and shot water in her mouth with a syringe. Jasmine still wouldn't eat. Her respiratory problems worsened and her nose became bloody.

We took her back and were informed that Jasmine needed a feeding tube. We are in a precarious financial situation, but we said yes, anything. This was a grave mistake.

They gave us feeding solution and some steroid medicine. Jasmine weakened over the next day or two. She grew much worse and on the second day she was gasping for breath and bleeding from her nose again.

We called the vet, left a message about the dire situation, but never received a return call. We kept calling and finally got through to them. So sorry, we are busy and can't see Jasmine. This after spending thousands of dollars and taking their bad advice. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I couldn't stand to see my beloved Jasmine suffering.

We called an emergancy vet and were told to immediately come in. We did, they heard the situation and got Jasmine's records from the regular vet. The staff at the emergency facility were angered and appalled at the way we were treated. They could not believe so little had been done to actually help our Jasmine.

At this point they offered us little hope and we made the dreadful decision to say goodbye to Jasmine. This was the decision that should have been made the second time we visited our former veterinarian.

The staff at the emergency vet urged me to file a complaint with the state board of veterinarians. I have done so and I'm waiting to hear back. Sadly I have little hope any justice will be served. The law tends to be on the side of corrupt businesses. I also left a scathing yelp review.

I've never been as heartbroken in my life as I've been this past week. Watching Jasmine's decline and the way she suffered was traumatizing.

Things get better. They always do, but it's hard to move on when you have such feelings of grief and rage. It helps to get the words out as I am doing here.

This morning I walked outside, down by the creek in our back yard. I saw a mother turtle laying eggs in a hole. It's a fairly common sight here, but it filled me with hope. The cycle of life always goes on.

All good times come to an end. That's part of the cycle. However, if you continue to live, if you keep hope in your heart, there will be another great time. And another after that. And so on.

Yes, there will be times of heartbreak. That's part of the package. It seems like a bad deal in the darkest hours, but the sun always rises again.

Everything changes. Writers die. Filmmakers too. Beloved bookstores close down. The drive-ins fall. Home video as an industry is almost dead. The wonderful indie theaters are bulldozed and lost to our memories, replaced with empty corporate monoliths filled with resentful employees who seem to hate us for being there.

These things are all incredibly difficult, but we have to keep on living. There are, and always will be, new delights to discover. New writers, new classic movies, old favorites in pristine prints we never dreamed of in the past.

Turtles lay eggs and life persists. The birds sing every day. We lose a cat, but another hungry one shows up for our care.

We eventually run out of good times, but is it really the end? There are tiresome people who are positive they know all the answers of life, but the real truth is, no one knows. We find comfort in our beliefs, but the final mystery is yet to be unveiled.

Is it so foolish to believe there is more after our final breath? Radio and television waves still soar through space. Why not our brain waves?

I like to believe there is magic.

I'm sixty-four years old, but I'm still strong. I split wood by hand. I workout with weights every other day. I work in the yard and shake my head at people decades younger than me who hire professional crews to do theirs.

There are new books to read. I'm excited about upcoming titles by Jimmy Juliano, Daniel Kraus, John Irving, Joe R. Lansdale, Joe Hill, Chevy Stevens, Brian McAuley, Dan Chaon, Ken Jaworowski, and Richard and W.H. Chizmar.

The Life of Chuck opens next week and it looks like the perfect movie for my current mood. I even hope to get to a drive-in this year for an all-night horror marathon.

I have a lifetime of wonderful memories, books and movies, loves and laughs, work and play, to draw from.

Thanks for being along for the ride. It hasn't always been fun, but most of it was. I believe the same will hold true for the future.

Written by Mark Sieber