A Nightmare On Elm Street

One, Two

Freddy's coming for you

Three, four

Though we didn't want more

Five, six

Michael Bay's a dick

Seven, eight

Be Prepared to hate

Nine, ten

Never watch again


Tomorrow, the remake of Wes Craven's A Nightmare On Elm Street opens. Despite my sarcastic little ditty above, I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm a longtime fan. Nothing says 80's horror like Freddy Krueger. It seemed like everyone loved the films, and not just horror lovers. I enjoyed them all, even the ones that are the most reviled.

Honestly, I wasn't that impressed when I first saw A Nightmare On Elm Street. Oh, I enjoyed it well enough, but I wasn't singing hosannas like so many others were. I thought that the film borrowed liberally from Don Coscarelli's Phantasm and I also thought that Phantasm was the better picture. Freddy Krueger touched something in society's consciousness and he became an icon.

The Elm Street franchise was big business and it was a boon to New line Cinema. They used to call the company The House That Freddy Built. Sure, New Line had other successes, but the Freddy Krueger films were what put New Line up with the bigger studios.

Devotees of the genre read about the disputes between New Line and Wes Craven. Craven went on record saying that he hated the car scene at the end of A Nightmare On Elm Street, but the studio insisted upon it. I think they knew exactly what they were doing. Their accountants obviously agreed. I believe that all of the films were successes, but the first four were big money for New Line.

Freddy was the darling of Fangoria Magazine, too. Issues that had his mug on the cover were sure to sell better than others and they used it every chance they could.

I watched A Nightmare On Elm Street again last night. I still think it's a good, but not great, movie. The effects look crude to my jaded eye, but they worked at the time. And again I was struck at how dark the movie is. I'm not talking about dank and dreary, like some of the Platinum Dunes remakes are, but oppressive and scary dark.

And boy, look how young Johnny Depp is in it. Who would have guessed that this New Wave Lite kid would become one of the most beloved cult actors of all time?

Freddy's Revenge was the first sequel, and it's the most bugfuck of the series. I'm not sure exactly what writer David Chaskin and director Jack Sholder were striving for with this bizarre movie. It certainly feels completely different from the rest of the series. But audiences ate it up.

If they ate up Freddy's Revenge, they devoured Dream Warriors, which is the second sequel. This is the one that most fans say is their favorite after the original. I think it might be my fave of them all. Even though this is the movie that really began Freddy's reputation as a stand up comedian. He cracked wise in the first two, but the jokes were nonstop in Dream Warriors.

It definitely didn't hurt that Chuck Russell directed and co-wrote Dream Warriors. Frank Darabont had a hand in the screenplay, too. But fans were mainly ecstatic to see their beloved Heather Langenkamp back as Nancy. Genre giant John Saxon also returned as Nancy's father.

What made Dream Warriors work is the depth of characters in the film. That and the delirious effects and death scenes. What horror fan doesn't hold the line, "Welcome to Prime Time, Bitch!, near to his or her heart?

The great writer, William Kotzwinkle, was brought it for Elm Street 4: The Dream Master. Sadly, less distinguished writers finished the work on it and it shows. The third sequel made the most money of the lot, but I think that was mostly due to the strength of Dream Warriors. Expectations were high, and while most enjoyed the movie, the reception to it wasn't as good as the first three films.


The Dream Master was an ambitious film, but ultimately it was a let down. Still, it's a lot of fun.

Horror fiction fans were stoked that Splatterpunk authors John Skipp and Craig Spector were writing the screenplay for the fifth Elm Street production. How could The Dream Child miss? Well, maybe by having it rewritten numerous times. Who knows? Maybe it wasn't a good script, or perhaps it was unfilmmable. Either way, the end results were disappointing to almost everyone. Yeah, there are cool parts, and I do like it, but the high concept of a baby for Freddy Krueger fell far short of expectations. Clearly the end was near.
Freddy's Dead is really the last film as I see it. The studio tried to wrap up their lucrative series in a no-holds-barred conclusion. But it ended up seeming silly. Again, despite some great scenes, the film felt lukewarm and light. And anytime Tom Arnold and Roseanne are involved in a project, you know it's time to call it a day.

Wes Craven had his say at last with Wes Craven's New Nightmare. The veteran director employed psychology in this one, but the sales were disappointing. The audience wasn't having it. I saw New Nightmare in the theater and a couple of time since, and I honestly can't remember a thing about it.

The less said about Freddy Vs. Jason the better. It doesn't feel like a Freddy or a Jason movie to me. Having Ronny Yu, a Hong Kong director with a striking visual style, come in for this project seems like a great choice, but most fans hated it. I thought Yu did better with Bride of Chucky.

Now comes the inevitable remake. Will this satisfy longtime fans of the series? I really don't think Platinum Dunes gives a fuck. As long as the seats are filled with kids, they'll be happy. Their track record with horror remakes isn't good, but maybe this will please fans old and new. I do think that having Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy Krueger is a great choice.

We'll find out this weekend. I hope that everyone goes out and gets their ticket torn to see for themselves whether it's a good film or not.