I woke up this morning after a reasonably enjoyable weekend to devastating news: My old friend, Andrew "Andy" Copp, took his own life this past weekend.

I've known Andy since the old days of Gorezone. Even before the first Book Forum was in existence. I met him in an odd way...

I always loved the films of Jim Van Bebber. His short, My Sweet Satan, kicks more ass than just about anything else out there. Van Bebber's feature length gang movie, Deadbeat at Dawn, is really good too. And Jim Van Bebber played the lead in both, and he did a terrifyingly convincing job in both of them.

I heard that there was a movie out called The Mutilation Man, and that Jim Van Bebber was in it. I ordered it from the director, on VHS. Yes, VHS. The director was named Andrew Copp.

I got the tape in the mail, with an enclosed letter from Andrew. He knew who I was from my activities at Gorezone. Wow, that was pretty cool. That night my ex-wife and I watched The Mutilation Man, and we both loved it.

I wrote a long email to Andy the net day, and that began our friendship.

It was a friendship that lasted many years. We talked at message boards. Andy was a member of The Horror Drive-In forums for a while. We exchanged lots of emails. We only met in person once, at the first Horrorfind Convention I went to.

Andy was passionate about films. On message boards he often used the name, Topo872, because his favorite movie was Jodorowsky's El Topo. He loved a lot of movie, but exploitation and horror were his favorites.

Andy and I shared a love of The Cinema of Transgression, and the music of Oingo Boingo. We also both hated the movies of Kevin Smith.

He was a filmmaker, too. And, as such, he was utterly fearless. At a time when his contemporaries would round up the local strippers, put fake vampire teeth on them, bare their silicon-enhanced breasts, and call themselves underground. Or just more gut-munching zombie tedium, which was old even back at the turn of the century.

Andy's movies were not crowd-pleasers. They were often non linear. They did not deal in conventional tropes. His movies were dark, bloody, and disturbing, but they also dealt with intensely personal themes. The horrible long term effects of abuse was a common thread in his work.

Andy did documentaries, and video magazines devoted to the genre. He also had a zine devoted to horror cinema.

Andy was a troubled guy. He confided me in more than once, and his story was a sad one. I won't disclose anything he revealed to me here, but suffice to say the guy was dealt a bad hand from the start.

Some will judge him for what he did. Not me. I used to be judgmental about this sort of thing, but no more. My own struggles in recent months made me realize a lot. I have nothing but compassion for him, and for anyone else going through severe depression.

Compassion. It's a commodity that is sorely lacking in much of today's society.

Many believe that Andy will burn in Hell for taking his own life. That would be horribly unjust. Andy already did his tenure in Hell while he was alive. If anyone deserves a reward it's him.

I'm not proud to say that Andy and I hadn't been in contact in a while. Too long. I should have contacted him last year, when things were bad for me. I doubt that I would have found a more sympathetic ear anywhere else. The fact is, I didn't, and I regret it.

I'm not going to beat myself up too much over it. People drift apart, especially in the world of the Internet. Besides, Andy would not have wanted me to blame myself in any way. There wasn't a cruel or malicious bone in his body.

Now all I have are the memories. And a DVD-R he made for me a decade ago for Christmas.

Goodbye, Andy. I wish life had been kinder to you.


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